Posts from the ‘wellness’ Category

NO OBLIQUE-SPEAK: Part IV – Summary (So What?)

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

– Bernard Shaw

NOTE

What follows is the summary the essay on corporate communication. While the basic information has universal application, the focus of this series is on the communication concerns of  fast-paced, early stage, entrepreneurial and intrapreneuial ventures.

Position Statement

Business (life) means building and maintaining relationships.

So What?  So What?  I’ll tell you So What.  Wars are fought, relationship destroyed, opportunities are missed and lives are lost due to misunderstandings, confusion, unintentional insults, and perceived—and intended—mixed messages.  That’s So What…

• In business, oblique-speak (“BS,” “Blowing Smoke,” Wink-Wink-Nudge-Nudge”) is a manager’s downfall. Establish a relationship of trust and speak clearly leaving little or no room for misinterpretation. If unsure, have the person your addressing give their understanding of what you just told them. And, remember, lying by omission is deceit in its most cowardly form.

• Unless immediately informed to the contrary, every employee must come to work every day knowing they are Secure, Accepted as an on-going member of the team, and that they are Respected for their knowledge and contribution to the company mission. Once doubt occurs in any of these three default conditions, communication begins to shut down. An organization without a SAR culture invites a reduction in productivity, an increase in turnover, stress-related absences, heightened presenteeism, and reduced staff morale.

• Tune into the concern behind the question, stay away from hyperbole and don’t confuse connectivity with communication.

•  In business (and life) the preferred order of personal interaction is as follows:

NO OBLIQUE-SPEAK: Part III – Conflict and the Art of Relationships

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

– Bernard Shaw

NOTE

What follows is Part III of a four-part essay on corporate communication. While the basic information has universal application, the focus is on the communication concerns of  fast-paced, early stage, entrepreneurial and intrapreneuial ventures.

Position Statement

Business (life) means building and maintaining relationships.

 “Conflict is the gadfly of thought. It stirs us to observation and memory. It instigates to invention. It shocks us out of sheep-like passivity…”

– John Dewy

Conflict as an Asset

When most people think of conflict, the following words and conditions come to mind:

Well, contrary to what you may have heard or thought, conflict is good, yes, good.

Irritation produces pearls and without disruption there is no innovation. However—and this is a very important “however”…minus integrity, constructed on blocks of honorable intention, a secure-accept-respect (SAR) culture, and considered thought, conflict destroys.

So, as you can see, at the workplace, we are talking about a very fine line that separates productivity and empowerment from chaos and suppression. This condition defines the classic approach-avoidance dilemma. As a manager do I allow and encourage differences of opinion, open discussion, healthy skepticism and exploration? Or, do I run a strict top-down organization where “I dictate…You follow” is both motto and practice?

The sad fact is that many, if not most, organizations wave a banner that shouts collaboration and invites input while placing an ever-stronger chokehold on constructive opposition and disagreement. Instead of viewing conflict as opportunity, a closed-minded autocrat views conflict as a threat and either avoids or stomps it out, quickly. What a shame.

By the way, yes, there are times when leadership must make tough decisions and point the way, despite opposing views—even if those views are of the majority. That’s why thrones are built for one person. Fine. Good. I’m all for it. But if leadership falsely advertises a management style that embraces honest input and open discussion only to punish those who present cross-aisle views, shame on them. Not only is this deception immoral (call it what it is) it wastes time and hurts the company in the long run. High-integrity conflict is good.

Traditional Approaches to conflict

Conquest

• Once bullying, dominance, and manipulations are used, it is difficult to view the person’s power in any other way.

• Relationship suffers because the dominated person is reluctant to use innate talents and acquired skills.

• Passive/aggressive actions eventually spring from the subverted individual.

Avoidance

• Mistakenly suggests that all conflict is bad (see above).

• Denies opportunities to clarify positions and clear up potential misunderstandings.

• Implies acceptance of behavior thus enabling the individual to continue on a potentially dangerous or disruptive path.

Band-Aid

• Creates an illusion of permanence.

• Avoids the core work of resolution and establishes a set behavioral approach to conflict.

• The “quick-fixer” is reinforced for putting out the fire but the embers continue to burn—creating a culture of crisis management. (BTW, if you have someone on your team who is great at putting out fires, check their desk drawers for matches…).

Role Player

• Rigid role assignments foster myopic solutions centered on power.

• Subordinate member of relationship hesitates to contribute beyond his/her assigned role.

• Can create an on-going adversarial relationship.

Bargaining

• Often focus is on numbers and objects instead of personal value.

• Can develop into a carry-over adversarial relationship based on “winning” and “losing.”

• Stronger or more articulate negotiator wins not on merit and value but verbal skills—can damage relationship in the long-term. 

A New View of Conflict

Instead of always…

A disruption, negative experience, error, or mistake

Perhaps…

An outgrowth of diversity leading to mutual growth and improved friendship

Instead of always…

An all-consuming battle of self-interests or desires

Perhaps…

A reflection of one or two aspects of a total relationship

Instead of always…

An isolated event we use to define the entire relationship

Perhaps…

An opportunity for clarification in a long-term relationship

A Partnership Process

Conflict enhancement and relationship building requires that you focus on needs, perceptions, power, values and principles, feelings and emotions, and internal conflicts.

• WE not I vs. you…

• Conflicts must be considered in context.

• Honest discussion of disagreements strengthens relationships but BOTH parties must participate.

Ten Steps to Conflict Enhancement and Relationship Building: A Formula

1. Look to the Future and Learn from the Past
2. Generate Options
3. Develop Realistic Stepping Stones to Action
4. Make Mutual-Benefit Agreements
5. Celebrate Diversity
6. Crate an Effective Atmosphere (SAR management)
7. Clarify Perceptions
8. Focus on Individual and Shared Needs
9. Build Shared Positive Power
10. NO OBLIQUE-SPEAK!

Keep in mind the fact that how we understand conflict influences how we develop and maintain relationships. Recognize and celebrate the fact that honorable conflict is an outgrowth of diversity and differences. Both productive and destructive conflicts involve emotions, values, and principles as much as needs and desires and that …

how well you  handle your internal personal conflicts will often direct how well you develop and maintain relationships.

Coming Up…

Part IV:  Summary (So What?)

NO OBLIQUE-SPEAK: Part II – Human Interaction (The Order of Preference)

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

–  Bernard Shaw

NOTE 

What follows is Part II of a four-part essay on corporate communication. While the basic information has universal application, the focus is on the communication concerns of fast-paced, early stage, entrepreneurial and intrapreneurial ventures.  

Position Statement

Business (life) Means Building and Maintaining Relationships

As a university lecturer, mentor and trainer of hundreds of health promotion professionals, I always stress the importance of C⁴ (crystal clear communication is critical).  The order of preference for business—and personal—communication is:

• In-Person Face-to-Face
• Electronic Face-to-Face (e.g., FaceTime, Skype)
• Telephone
• Video Message
• Audio Message
• Descriptive Email
• Text Messages (Think 140 Characters or Less)

In-Person Face-to-Face

Of course, you’ve never done this but we all know tales of people one office apart who text or send emails instead of getting off their butts and walking ten steps.  Or, even worse, people in the same room who text one another.  Yikes!  What ever happened—now, I’m sounding like my father—to shaking a hand, looking someone in the eye, and saying whatever it is you need to say? As mentioned earlier, language goes way beyond written or even spoken words.  As the saying goes, “Eyes are windows to the soul.”  Whenever possible—good news, bad news or just chatting—make it in-person,  face-to-face.

Electronic Face-to-Face

While not the same as being there, today’s technology permits the next best thing, video chats.  Whether it’s a client in London or my granddaughter in Providence, they are just a click away.  I can see their eyes, hear all of the voice variations, and even catch non-verbal facial expressions and a bit of body language.  In other words, we get to communicate.  Pretty cool…

Telephone

We’re moving down the communication scale but still doing pretty good.  Gone our the days of party-lines, mortgage-your-house-long-distance charges, and waiting outside a phone booth (with a pocket full of change).  In this era of affordable cell phones and manageable rates there is no reason for not doing both business—as well as social catch-ups—in real-time.

Video Message

Video messages, like the ones I use on my blog, are fine for summaries, quick hellos, and for introducing articles, business documents, and news events. The recipient gets to see the author and the author is able to enhance the message using visual and auditory cues. The key is to keep them as short as possible, preferably less than five minutes and certainly no more than ten. There’s a reason why broadcast television breaks every twelve minutes and why commercial messages are sold in 5, 10, 15 and 30 second segments (60 also but these are increasingly rare).

Audio Message

Not very intimate but, at times, a pretty good alternative to real-time. If you simply want to convey information with affect—and you don’t need an immediate response—an audio message works great.  However if you are leaving business or personal messages at 3am because you want to make sure you don’t have a live connection, I suggest you figure out what you are afraid of. And, oh yes, you are afraid of something. Like I said, figure it out…

Descriptive Email

Other than as a way of distributing pure information—who, what, when, where, why and how much—or, as a way to transmit business documents, video or audio messages, email should be avoided. If you are shooting for a humorous, sarcastic or sardonic tone, or, if you find the need to frequently bold,  italicize, or exclaim!, business email is the WRONG place to do it.  Most people simply can’t pull it off (some can…but not many) and the result can range from confusion and annoyance all the way to anger and loss of business and business relationships.

Text Messages

Other than quick hits like…

• “Meeting time changed to 2:00.”
• “Just leaving the office.”
• “Don’t forget the J&J report.”
• “Call me ASAP.”
• “Where the hell are you?”
• “On my way home I’ll get milk , bread, and (okay) beer…looks like snow!”

…and other easily understood one-liners, stay away from text messages. They have no place in business communications. This is particularly the case with acronyms and emoticons. Don’t use them because OMG  IGWS I won’t be  HOYEW!  ;-(

Coming Up…

Part III:  Building and Maintaining Relationships – A Formula

Part IV:  Summary (So What?)

NO OBLIQUE-SPEAK: Part I – Six Keys to Effective Communication

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

–  Bernard Shaw

NOTE 

What follows is Part I of a four-part essay on corporate communication. While the basic information has universal application, the focus is on the communication concerns of fast-paced, early stage, entrepreneurial and intrapreneurial ventures.  

Position Statement

Business (life) Means Building and Maintaining Relationships

1.        Create a Culture of Security, Acceptance, and Respect (SAR)

When I was completing a master’s degree in guidance and counseling from the University of Michigan School of Education—a long time ago—it was drilled into our heads that, rather than truly listen when spoken to, most people half listen while they rehearse what they’re going to say when it’s their turn to speak. As a result, the subtleties of language are often missed.  Things that go unnoticed, like a raised eyebrow, a smirk, a shoulder shrug, a shoe scuff, and darting eyes—the italics of conversation—are as meaningful and defining as a shout, a cry, or a whisper. Miss them and you miss the meaning behind the words. Throw on top of that our reluctance to use unvarnished and to-the-point language and you can see the truth in Shaw’s quote, above.

Trust is an Issue         

There is a nurture vs. nature argument here that I’ll skip for now. Regardless of origin, we, as a society (Species?), tend to be skeptical and, increasingly, cynical. We question what we hear—and sometimes what we see. “What’s the angle?” “I’m not sure she actually meant what she said.” “Look me in the eye and say that, again.” “Ummm, I wonder.” And, who can ever forget the battle of wits in the poison scene between Vizzini and The Man in Black from the movie, “Princess Bride.” When acceptance, respect and the overall security of a relationship are questioned, we, like Vizzini and The Man in Black, think, plan and act according to our interpretation of true intentions…face value no longer has much value.

Darwinian or not, in business, particularly in a start-up venture, it is imperative that all parties truly trust one another. Management must speak clearly and directly at all times AND encourage all employees to do likewise.  Shoestring budgets and—not-long-enough—sixty-hour weeks permit only the thinnest margin of error. Let me make it very clear that this does not suggest that bullying, rudeness, disrespectful or petulant behavior is excusable; that is never the case.  The default must be that:

• our relationship is solid and secure
• we accept each other as individuals
• we respect each other’s talents and contributions

THE C⁴ PLEDGE

I HEREBY PLEADGE THAT I WILL IMMEDIATELY INFORM YOU IF AND WHEN ONE OR MORE OF THESE VITAL CONDITIONS ARE CHALLENGED

Signed:  ________________________

The Tale of Two Employees

Nobody Ever Told Me…

Let me tell you a sad story. When I was asked to build a company within a company—to be an intrapreneur—I was given a considerable budget and a fair amount of freedom to assemble a quality “A” team. I could build the team by recruiting outside or, if I chose, I could interview and make offers to candidates currently employed by the parent company. Human Resources, on the lookout for possible matches, suggested one particular individual from the parent pool. The individual had nineteen years of service with a stellar performance review history. I had met this person briefly and he seemed like a good guy but the nature of the job was technical and a bit out of my scope so I leaned heavily on the impressions of others.

When I mentioned this candidate to the CEO of the parent company, he said, “Oh, you don’t want him. He’s a mail-it-in kinda’ guy. Just does the bare minimum and checks out.”  When I spoke with his immediate supervisor, I got a similar response.  So, when it came time for me to formally interview this person, I told him what I’d heard (protecting the sources). He was devastated. In all the time on the job he thought he was doing a fine—if not exemplary—job. Oblique speak at its worse. From what I could tell, he was a fine person with above average intelligence. With the right coaching and with honest feedback he may have moved into a high middle management position. Instead, within a couple years, when the economy tanked—and layoffs were inevitable—he was gone.

Two things were happening here. One, my guess is that he, at some level, knew he wasn’t performing at his best but put the gear in cruise figuring all was good with the brass.  The other thing was a culture of “nice guy” where nobody wanted to criticize the work of someone who, while maybe not destined for the C Suite, was “good enough.” He was accepted as a person but his work was not respected and he was on shaky ground for years; unfortunately, nobody told him. It was a case of pure conflict avoidance. The result hurt both the company—he was capable of so much more—and the individual who never got the needed kick in the butt needed to move himself out of cruise and into passing gear.

I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends…

In another case with a happier ending, let me tell you this story. In the field of wellness and health promotion I’ve encountered scores of really good people but only dozens of business-ready people. They—the nice but unconsciously incompetent group—need molding, mentoring, coaching and opportunities to both fail and succeed.  Most listen well, respond quickly, rarely make the same mistake twice and do just fine.  And, then there are those who, while talented, tend to wander off into deep water a little too often.

One such young man was having a challenge with authority and, it appeared, women supervisors in particular. His insubordination was reported up the chain of command and, after his boss conferred with her boss, the employee was place on a Performance Improvement Plan, a PIP. Having been schooled on the fine points of Secure-Accept-Respect management (SAR), it was explained to the employee that he was respected for his field knowledge and for his overall contribution to the team but that his attitude and failure to carry out instructions from his supervisor was unacceptable.  Furthermore, it was made perfectly clear that failure to rectify the situation would result in probation and, potentially, dismissal.  MOST important the PIP team, which included him, designed SMART goals that, if met, would put him back on track.

The review process uncovered cultural factors on both sides that helped explain—but not justify—his behavior. The process also revealed the extent of his supervisor’s frustration. To complicate matters, the supervisor, a warm, compassionate, quintessential health promotion professional, ranked very high on the OBLIQUE-SPEAK scale. Her instructions were riddled with ambiguity and qualifiers.  For example, instead of saying, “Be at Sharp Mechanics on Tuesday no later than 10:00 sharp to begin screenings. And, make sure to complete no less than 20 before heading back to the office at noon.” She was more apt to say, “If you would, please, try your best to start the screenings around 10:00, do the best that you can and I’ll see you when you return to the office. My guess is that it shouldn’t take you more than a couple hours to complete 20 screenings.” When he got back to the office at 12:30 after completing 15 screenings beginning at 10:30 she was furious and he was confused. She thought she was very clear with her instructions and he thought he was following her instructions to the letter.

In this case the issue was resolved and the employee went on to become a truly exemplary member of the corporate team.  Why?  Because of 5 critical steps:

1. The issue was reported early
2. The employee received a SAR review
3. A collective effort determined the source of the problem
4. A PIP was generated and agreed upon by all parties
5. Both supervisor and employee received training on non-verbal communication and conflict management.

In the first case, the employee was blind-sided and everyone lost.  In the second case, because of a SAR culture, everyone won.  You choose…

2.    Practice No-Oblique Speak

When I was a young airman going through basic training at Lackland AFB in Texas we did a lot of marching and precision drilling.  I got the “Forward March” part  just fine and I nailed the “About Face” command.  However, I never heard of “Right Oblique” and “Left Oblique” commands. I quickly—and painfully—learned that it meant turn at a 45-degree angle; not right, not left, not forwards or backwards.

Oblique angles might work okay for a drill sergeant or an engineer but not so much when it comes to communication. As the subtitle to this article states, “crystal clear communication is critical” and that means, “Straight Talk.”

Once-upon-a-time, I had a senior staff colleague who was very passionate and opinionated when she spouted and fumed in the hallway but was solid as Jell-O when speaking inside the boardroom.

What was once…

“I absolutely oppose the direction we’re taking. It’s ill conceived, highly risky, over-funded and it distracts from our corporate mission. I don’t care if it is the CEO’s pet project, it will never work!”

Five steps later, inside the oak paneled conference room, her positioned morphed into…

“Well, this is clearly one of the best strategic initiatives conceived, to date.  Kudos to you and the development team, sir.  Excellent job!  I wonder, however, if, maybe, perhaps, you would entertain the possibility of holding off on the launch until a later date.  Our plate is pretty full right now and funds are getting tight. Of course, if it’s imperative that we meet the deadline you’ve proposed I’m sure we can move some of the other projects and concentrate on this one.  I just offer postponement as a suggestion, for your consideration.  You know of course, that my team and I will do whatever you feel is needed and we will make it work.”        

True story—with a little paraphrasing—but close enough to the real thing. The result of this inhibited culture of oblique-speak? The launch date was met but the initiative was was flawed at best with technical glitches , cumbersome administration, and considerable confusion. On top of that, it pulled key people off of mission-critical jobs, proved to be way more expense to launch and administer than originally planned, and it never recovered.  It didn’t work.

Now, of course, had the executive taken her hallway words and attitude into the boardroom she would have risked losing her job. No-Oblique-Speak isn’t code for hari kari. It’s possible to get your message across clearly without blowing everybody—including yourself—to smithereens.

She could have presented her views this way…

“With all due respect, sir, I encourage you to reconsider the launch, as well as the initiative, itself. It is my opinion, confirmed by my staff and supported by data, that, while the idea shows great promise, the current deadline isn’t realistic. The financial models are inconclusive and the IT staff needs more time to test various scenarios.  Instead of January, we recommend a June 1^st launch with a May 15^th Go/No-Go cutoff.”    

The CEO would not have been pleased but the Vice President (with fiduciary responsibilities) would have made her point clearly, and, perhaps, saved the project and/or a ton of money for the company.

3.    Behind Every Question There is A Concern

We all know the story of the little boy who asks his parents, “Where do I come from?”  The parents take a big breath and launch into a poorly rehearsed and supremely awkward rendition of the birds and the bees.  The little boy looks at them in confusion, shakes his head and says, “No, I mean, where did I come from?  Bobby’s from Buffalo…where am I from?”

Before launching off into a long discourse, remember that behind every question there is a concern.  Make sure you identify and understand the concern before you answer the question.  Remember, words are just a part of the communication mix.  Inflection, intonation and body language complete the message.

4.    Hyperbole Never Helps

I once had a member of my senior staff who was the Mistress of Hyperbole.

• “Yes, yes, yes, I agree with that 100%! Only, do you think maybe we could modify it this way instead?”

• “Fred is an outstanding employee. No doubt about it, he’s great. If only he wasn’t so pig-headed and lazy he could really make a contribution.”

• “Totally! Yes, you are absolutely right.  My feelings, exactly. However…”

You get the point.  Extreme communication is a waste of time and brings a person’s credibility into question. It’s also very annoying. Listen for it in yourself and others and work to change the habit. Hyperbole is absolutely, positively, the worst possible thing a person can do! The world would be a perfect if ONLY people would stop exaggerating!  😉

5.     Don’t Confuse Connectivity with Communication (or intimacy)

Stop for a second and consider the possibility that the more touch-points we have…the less in-touch we’ve become.

The other day, I heard a TV reporter ask a 20-something woman how often she talked on the phone. Her response was, “Almost never.”  She, like most of those under forty, prefers texting to actual phone calling. Her response as to why she texts:  “I find that texting allows me to avoid the awkwardness that comes with actual interaction.”

No, seriously, that’s what she said. As for the reporter, not an eyebrow raised or a follow-up question asked.

 “…allows me to avoid the awkwardness that comes with actual interaction.”

Is it just my white hair that finds this alarming or are there others of you out there that are just a little creeped-out by her answer?

Yes, I understand the value of texting and instant messaging and I realize that the sheer numbers of contacts and connections has increased significantly. This part is all good. The creepy part is that…knowingly or not…I think she nailed it.  Have we exchanged intimacy and actual interaction for expediency and ease?

As for the full spectrum world of technology, it’s been said that computers like IBM’s “Watson” will never totally replace humans because they cannot convey the subtly and nuance often used to deliver the true meaning behind our messages. All of us have dozens of shades of smiles, frowns, voice inflections, intonations, body postures, eye shifts, lifts and squints that add color, texture and clarity to our interactions.

Wait, before anyone calls me old—”chronologically superior”—or out of touch (that would be ironic), let me again praise technology and its value in wellness, health promotion and daily living, in general. I love it for peer support, reminders, data uploads, medical monitoring, rallying action, spreading information, quick hellos, and growing social networks. It truly is remarkable and we’ve just scratched the surface!  Hot damn, hallelujah and bring it on.  My kids have the best hand-me-downs you can imagine. At this very moment my daughter is anxiously waiting for me to pick up my new iPad2 so she can have my “old” iPad1.

But please, please, please, along with high tech, keep fostering and building high touch. A few months ago, I thoroughly enjoyed watching the computer kick butt on Jeopardy but it’s hard to imagine “Dinner with Watson” coming to a theater near you. Also, all the emoticons in world can’t replace a hug, a knowing look or an actual smiley face from a real little kid. I don’t find interactions with them awkward, at all.

6.     Challenging and Constructive Conflict is Good.

This point will be covered in detail in Part III:

 Coming Up…

Part II:      Human Interaction:  The Order of Preference

Part III:     Building and Maintaining Relationships:  A Formula

Part IV:    Summary (So What?)